Vampire or Penguin? Vampenguin!
by Becca962
Summary: Emmett needs another vacation. Carlisle and Esme decide to go with to keep him out of trouble. Will they have any luck? If I want my story to be funny they won't! :D Rated T Totally funny! One-Shot
1. Lola

**Disclaimer: The word "Disclaimer" says it all.**

**A/N:This will be a one-shot. Last time I tried that people wanted me to make it a two-shot. This time I need to do a one-shot because I have a lot of awesome stories I want to write. I already have two more planned. This is story five in my series of funny Emmett stories. I hope you like it! I'm experimenting different POVs. Tell me what you think!**

**PS: I used your name Jessica!**

**Thanks to my sister Rachel for the word: Vampenguin.**

**Thanks to my amazing beta Awesomeness32**

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Vampenguin

**Part One: Another Adventure**

**EMPOV**

We had been grounded forever after I took my brothers to space. I was finally free, and ready for another adventure.

"Alice," I shouted to her room "Will you-

"No." She shouted back

She didn't even listen to what I had to say. I bet she saw something bad happening. Whatever, Edward would go with me.

"No," He replied, reading my thoughts

"Dang!" I mumbled "Does anyone want to do something with me?" I pleaded

"No," Everyone in the house replied in unison

I needed to go with somebody. A trip to Antarctica would be no fun alone.

"Too bad," Edward and Bella popped up next to me "Nobody wants to go with you."

Rosalie, Alice and Jasper followed. I asked again.

"Will anyone go with me on a trip?" I begged "I'll pay."

Rosalie gave me a look "Money is not an issue. We just remember 'Atlantis' and space."

**(Sorry if I'm referring to my other stories too much. This will still make sense. The upcoming jet reference is from Cullen Castaway.)**

"That was all fun." I argued

"Not really," Jasper glared at me

"Fine," I said smartly "I'll get someone else to go."

"Like who?" Alice questioned

"Carlisle and Esme," I responded "They will go with me.

"This should be good." Rose chuckled

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Part Two: The Decision

**CPOV (Carlisle)**

I could sense something was wrong as I pulled in the driveway. Esme tensed beside me. We had to go to some banquet at the hospital. I regretted leaving the kids home alone immediately.

"Oh Carlisle," I heard Emmett boom as I walked in the door

"What?" I responded as I walked into the family room, all the kids were watching Emmett

"Would you go on a trip with me?" The question was directed at me and Esme

"No," Esme replied "Not after your last trip."

"Please," He begged "I'll be good."

"We'll think about it." Esme and I went up to our newly soundproofed room. We had Rosalie do it after Emmett decided to eavesdrop about his punishment.

"We can't do this." Esme declared "It would be horrible."

"I think we should." I said quietly

"Why?" She was in shock

"If we go he can't get in too much trouble. If we don't go, he goes alone. That would be bad. Remember last time we let him off on his own?" I finished

"Jasper definitely does." She chuckled "He still won't buy a new jet. Emmett might get it."

"So should we go?" I asked

"I think we should." Esme replied

"Let's go tell him."

We walked back to the family room. Emmett popped up and stared at us.

"We'll go." I told him

"Yes!" Emmett was giddy "I have a lot to do. We'll leave tomorrow at 10 am sharp."

"Okay," Esme moaned a little

"I need to go." Emmett looked at his watch "See you guys at 10 am."

He ran out the door and sped away in his car. I wish I knew what he was doing. I looked at Edward. He shook his head; I didn't want to know anymore.

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Part Three: Preparation

**Outdoors Shop Owner, Jessica POV (I'm experimenting. This is not related to Jessica Stanley at all.)**

It was pretty late. I was going to close the shop early, business was a little slow. I got up to get the lights when a man came in. He was huge. He was like twice my height and had a hugely muscled body. I was little scared of him. His body wasn't the worst part though, he was hot. It was so wrong for me to say that, I was married, but he was. He had an unearthly beauty.

"Hey," He shouted at me "You own the place?"

"Yeah," I was stuttering a little "I do."

"Cool," He was talking really fast, like he was excited "Do you have any really intense snowsuits and snowmobiles?"

"Intense?" I asked

"Yeah," He smiled at me "Like, for extreme cold weather."

"Okay. I think I can help you. We pride ourselves in being most elite shop around."

"Great." He was really giddy "By the way, my name's Emmett."

"Nice to meet you," I led him to the winter section "Here's all the snow stuff. I'll be at the front counter if you need anything."

"Thanks," Emmett was really polite

About an hour later, Emmett walked over to the front. He was carrying three big snowsuits. They were the kind scientists used on Antarctic explorations. I don't know why anyone would want one. He also had three snowsuit tags. We used tags for big items that were kept in the back.

"I need these." He slapped the tags on the counter and set the suits on the ground

"I'll get those." Who was I kidding? I couldn't get one of those up front on my own.

I think he saw the worry in my eyes.

"I'll help you get those." We walked to the back. I unlocked the door and pointed to the snowmobiles he wanted.

I was in shock. Emmett grabbed thee handles on the boxes and pulled them with ease. Those all weighed a lot. His face fell when he saw me. He dropped two and pulled one. I could tell he was pretending to struggle. I didn't like it.

He lugged each box out one by one. I rang up his purchase. It was over 10,000 dollars.

"Can you pay for this?" I showed him the screen

Emmett whipped out a shiny gold credit card. It worked. This guy was loaded.

"Thanks for everything." Emmett smiled at me one last time

As he was loading his stuff in a van, I swear I saw him lift all three boxes at once.

Nobody would believe how weird this night was.

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Part Four: Antarctica

**EMPOV**

I had all we needed to go to Antarctica. I called Rosalie on my way home.

"_What do you need Emmett?" _My amazing, supportive wife

"I love you too baby." I chuckled

"_I'm kind of busy. Do you need something?"_

"Are Carlisle and Esme home?" I asked

"_They have cell phones you could've called too."_

"I called you." I think she was a little mad about my trip idea "I have reasons not to call them."

"_Like what?" _

"They could be 'busy'."

"_What do you mean by 'busy?"_

"You know..." I paused

"_Spit it out Emmett!" _She screamed

"They might be 'Passionately Entangled'" Awkward pause "You understand."

"_My God Emmett; they are not having sex!"_

"Way to get graphic Rose. So they aren't busy?"

"_No." _She hung up

I called Carlisle's phone. I asked if we could leave a little early. I had finished everything. I even bought a boat.

He said it was fine. We would meet at the dock around 2 am. Less people would be there to watch us.

"Why do you have snowmobiles on a boat, Emmett?" Esme asked once we were way out at sea

"We're going to a snowy place. It makes sense for us to have snowmobiles." I replied

"We don't need snowsuits." Carlisle went through the rest of the storage space

"A human would." I responded "We need to blend in."

"Where are we even going?" Esme was skeptical

"Antarctica," I looked away from the controls, towards them "We're going sledding with penguins."

"Turn this boat around Emmett." Esme ordered, Carlisle was stifling a laugh

"You said you'd come with me." I gave her puppy dog eyes

"Fine," She mumbled "Only one day though, and no hunting penguins."

"Deal," I was lucky to even be out of the house

We had been in the boat for hours. Everyone was getting antsy. I looked up ahead, and I saw land. I sped up.

"Slow down Emmett." Esme cried "We might crash!"

"So?" I asked "None of us would be hurt."

"That may be true. But, how would you explain, to the locals, why we swam up from Antarctica, and how we survived?" She was shrilling

"I guess not." I mumbled quietly, as I hopped out of the boat and tied to a rock

"I thought so." She jumped out of the boat next to me

"What do we do now Emmett?" Carlisle asked

"We find penguins and go sledding." I answered

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"All animals are afraid of us." Esme ruined my fun

"Then I'll force them to play with me." I smiled smugly

"That sounded wrong." Carlisle tried to hide his smile

"Carlisle Cullen," Esme shouted "Grow up; we need to be the adults here."

"Yes honey." He wrapped his arm around her waist "Emmett, what do you plan to do? It's your trip."

"I'm going to go hunt polar bears!"

"Um....Emmett," Carlisle ventured "Polar bears are in the North Pole, not Antarctica."

"Seriously?" I think I might have heard that somewhere

"Carlisle's right." Esme supplied

"What animals are here then?" I asked

"Not many," Carlisle responded "Seals, tern, penguins, and whales, sharks, and fish."

"Can I-

"No hunting penguins." Esme ordered "Keep the seals to a minimum."

"Sweet!" I ran off to hunt a bit

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Part Five: "You're Kidding!"

**APOV**

"Oh my God," I gasped after a vision

"What?" Bella asked "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I responded

"What happened?" Jasper asked, surfacing from his book for the first time in four hours

"I had a vision." I responded sweetly

"I know that." He grumbled, looking at his book again "What did you see."

I relived it in my mind.

"You're kidding!" Edward started cracking up "Carlisle and Esme must be mad."

I had another vision.

"They are." Edward and I were about to burst

"What happened?" Rosalie was getting mad, she really hated when we didn't share

"Well," Edward started "I think we should let Emmett tell you when he gets home."

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Part Six: Lola

**BPOV**

"I'm so sorry." Emmett shouted as Esme dragged him in the house

"Where is she?" Alice screeched "I want to see her!"

"No." Carlisle ordered "We're getting rid of it."

"Don't hurt Lola." Emmett pleaded

"What is Lola?" Rosalie demanded

"She's my Vampenguin." Emmett declared

"You made a vampire penguin?" Rosalie fumed

"Not on purpose." Emmett replied meekly

"Can I see her?" Alice pleaded again

Carlisle dragged in a red-eyed penguin.

"We already fed her so she should be fine for a while." Carlisle panted; she was an effort to control

"My baby!" Emmett cuddled her as he took her from Carlisle

"She's so cute." I giggled. The truth is she was. She was clearly a baby penguin and so fluffy.

"I know," Alice cooed "Look at her fluffy furry stuff."

"Congrats Emmett," Jasper laughed "You're a daddy."

"I'm so proud." He pretended to cry as he hugged Lola

"Guess what that means Rosalie." Edward laughed

"What?" She was absent-mindedly stroking Lola. She was just so cute!

"Your wish finally came true." I didn't know where Edward was going with this "You have a baby."

"You didn't." Rosalie growled. She was very sensitive about babies.

"I did." Edward said the wrong thing. Rosalie barreled into him. They crashed through the wall onto the lawn.

"YOU DESTRYOED MY HOUSE." Esme boomed

We were all laughing, even Carlisle. It was hilarious.

"What do you think Lola?" Emmett held up his 'baby'

"Peep, peep." Lola squeaked happily. It sounded like she was laughing.

"First word!" Emmett shouted "Where is the baby book?"

"You bought a baby book?" Alice asked

"Yeah," Emmett replied as he rifled through a bag "It had penguins on it."

"What have we done?" Esme moaned

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**Sorry about the lame ending. I had a bit of writers block. Tell me if it wasn't funny enough. I don't really like the story. I hope you do!**

**If you want to see the picture of the baby penguin that inspired me see my profile.**

**Review!!!**


	2. Epilogue: Baby Book!

**Disclaimer: Am I Stephenie Meyer?**

**A/N: I decided to add a tiny epilogue, because I had a great idea! I hope you like it! I also changed the title so it would make a bit more sense. Thanks for reading! **

**Thanks to my beta 578. She is AMAZING and FAST!**

**The Baby Book**

**RPOV**

Emmett was flipping through the large and ridiculous baby book for Lola. I don't know why he likes her so much. She can be cute sometimes, but all she ever does it try to attack anything with blood and make obnoxious, screeching, banshee noises. Everyone else said it was cute peeping; even Carlisle had fallen victim to her cuteness. Disgusting. I was the only one left, the only one not on the Dark Side yet.

Emmett looked at the page where he gave Lola a bath. I had bought a new bathtub after that fiasco. Next was the page when he took her out to play in the snow. The scarf he gave her lasted about twenty short seconds. Emmett had done a lot of strange things with that penguin, and now he had yet _another _brilliant idea.

"I know what we need to add to Lola's baby book!" Emmett shouted looking up from the pictures.

"EEEEEEEEEEP!" Lola jumped out of Alice's arms and ran towards Emmett at the sound of her name. She had to be constantly held, or else she might break something. She also had to be able to see Emmett, Alice, or Carlisle at all times.

"Come to daddy!" Emmett smiled as Lola waddled into his outstretched arms.

"What's your idea?" Edward asked, clearly not excited with Emmett's game "And why do you have to block me out?"

"I'm blocking you out so the idea is a surprise. And I'll tell you as soon as we get deep in the forest." Emmett replied

"That doesn't sound creepy at all." Bella said.

"Let's go." Emmett stood up with Lola "Everyone needs to come."

"Why do we all need to come?" I complained. I loved Emmett, but I detested that stupid fur ball.

"So Lola doesn't get away. I don't want her to get hurt, or her to hurt someone else." Emmett said as he led us through the door.

Emmett wanted Lola to hunt. Carlisle had been getting her blood the couple times she was really hungry. She also ate fish sometimes. We had no idea what to expect from her, considering she was one of a kind. Literally.

"So you're going to let her free, and then we have to follow her so we can catch her if necessary?" Alice asked, a little shocked

"Yep," Emmett responded, "I'm letting her go on three."

"One." Oh god.

"Two." Crap.

"Three." Please don't, Emmett, I silently begged… but, of course, he did.

Lola ran, fast. We all chased her, staying behind a lot. We could all catch her easily, but we wanted to give her space, so she could hunt.

Her head perked up just as we all smelled a bear. It was a big, black bear. Lola thought big. Carlisle had been studying Lola, and was pretty sure nothing, besides us, could hurt her. But that was all experiments. We knew almost nothing about her.

She charged at the bear. It roared really loudly, and slashed at Lola. Emmett breathed a sigh of relief; Lola wasn't fazed, and she wasn't cut or anything worse. She could take the bear. Lola jumped on its neck and snapped it. She totally drained the thing, then peeped at Emmett.

"Peep, peep." She cried as she jumped into Emmett's arms and he childishly peeped back at her in response. For the first time I thought Lola was cute. Emmett looked me all goo-goo eyed and smiled. He held out Lola.

"You want to hold her?" Emmett asked.

"No," I giggled, but I took her anyways. She was so soft, and she cuddled into me.

We headed back to the house to look at Emmett's pictures.

"Did you get any good ones?" Alice asked as Emmett loaded the pictures onto the computer.

"Loads," Emmett opened the picture viewer "It'll be hard to pick just three for the page. He could fit three pictures per page, plus a caption. We ended up with three really good ones. The first was Lola flying through the air at the bear. The second was the bear slashing Lola. The best one was Lola biting the bear's neck.

"The baby book is so amazing." Alice giggled.

"My sweet baby!" Emmett burst into dry sobs, while holding a flustered Lola "You're growing up so fast!" he blubbered.

"Emmett," Edward looked at him "You do know that Lola will never grow, right?"

"Stop bursting my bubble, Edward!" Emmett bellowed, "Lola stop squirming. You're gonna hurt me." He ordered, sternly, but quietly.

"Ummm Emmett," Bella giggled "Lola already hurt you're clothes"

"What do you mean by that?" Emmett asked innocently.

"You're naked Emmett!" I replied while laughing madly.

"Crap, you're serious?" Emmett looked at me.

"Yeah."

He handed me Lola and ran upstairs.

"Look what you did Lola." I held her up

She made a cute peeing noise that I swear was laughing.

**I don't really like the ending. Tell me what you think!**

**~SlapphappySpazzes**


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